RUTHFULLY YOURS

The latest newsletter from the environmentalist group Earth First! Journal contains a curious topic — assassinations.

In fact, the newsletter conveniently provides the names, addresses and phone numbers of the assassination targets. Naturally, none of this is to be taken seriously, the environmentalists tell us. From the newsletter:

Let us say clearly, this is not a call to undertake assassinations of the elite scum who are pillaging the planet and enslaving the populace — but not because we think that is a bad idea. And it’s also not because we think killing CEOs and lobbyists is negative PR either. In fact, most everyone hates these creeps, and many would applaud their demise. Some would even be so enthusiastic as to make a bid on the assassin’s old underwear if given the chance in a government auction, as we found out last year, when the State sold off Ted’s personal belongings to further enrich the family of Unabomber victim Thomas J. Mosser, executive of corporate marketing giants Burson Marsteller.

We are not calling for the assassinations of CEOs and lobbyists primarily because those assholes are disposable and replaced with relative ease. Whereas eco-revolutionaries like us are still far and few between, and someone getting popped on that sort of charge it could pull them out of the game for a long time. So instead, until the police state and prison industrial complex is weakened, thus leveling the battlefield a bit more, we propose a campaign of “prank assassinations.”

And who are the suggested targets of the Earth First! Journal assassination campaign? Members of the productive class, of course, fill the “Hit List.” Aubrey McClendon, CEO of Chesapeake Energy, is listed because his company has developed more efficient methods of developing cheap natural gas.

Aubrey McClendon

Armando Olivera is on the “Hit List” because his company has proposed a new power plant. Russ Girling, the CEO of TransCanada, is “pillaging” tar sands in Alberta and is putting up wind farms in Maine (endangering a couple of lynx). To round out the “Hit List,” Earth First! Journal names conservative blogger Brandon Darby.

Brandon Darby

The radical left loathes Darby because he is a heretic — a former leftist who helped the FBI break up a plot to bomb the 2008 Republican Convention in Minneapolis. That’s why loony publications like Mother Jones refer to him as a “snitch.”

Surely the FBI will find it difficult to track down the origins of these threats, right? Earth First is one of several shadowy fringe environmental groups that engage in the euphemism “direct action” but have no centralized structure. So finding the author of these threats is probably impossible, right?

Except that the author of the assassination list provided contact information:

Earth First! Journal • PO Box 964, Lake Worth, FL 33460 (561) 249-2071

Will the FBI alert the targets on the “hit list”? Will Eric Holder make any inquiry about those publishing threats against utility executives and citizens helping his own FBI save lives?