http://www.familysecuritymatters.org/publications/detail/a-carnival-of-the-left
Once the world has been made right forever and ever, and all capitalists, “right-wingers,” “conservatives,” Objectivists, Constitution obsessers, Jews, the ideologically unfaithful, gun-lovers, Bible-huggers, libertarians, separationists, and First and Second Amendment cultists – in short, all the philosophically crippled (or “differently abled”) have been vanquished and buried in ecologically-friendly mass graves in a potter’s field, the inheritors of the earth will be able to celebrate their triumph at the Greatest Carnival There Ever Was or Ever Will Be.*
After the Transportation Security Agency (affiliated now with the Benevolent Brotherhood of Government Employees) has patted you down, groped you, x-rayed you, scanned your brain, and given you a clean bill of ideological health by the resident proctologist, and after your palm has been implanted (painlessly) with a microchip that will track your comings and goings on the Midway (as part of a customer satisfaction survey program), your clothes, purses, and carry-in tote bags will be returned to you after being screened for unauthorized items. You will then be admitted past the booby-trapped security booth to enjoy the many wonders of the New World Carnival.
(WARNING: All non-approved items found on the persons or in the clothing or otherwise in the possession of Carnival-goers, such as tobacco products, chewing gum, caffeine-related stimulants, brand-name medications, liquors of any kind, recording devices, vitamin supplements, nail clippers, plastic water bottles, hairspray, unapproved inflammatory literature, appetite suppressants, family photographs of questionable taste, mints, breath-savers, and etc., will be permanently confiscated by the TSA, and the names of their owners reported to Central Citizen Control [the CDC] for further monitoring and evaluation. See the recently revised Index of Prohibited Articles for a complete list of banned items.)
(ADVISORY: Cyclists’ helmets are provided at no cost to all Carnival-goers (unless you bring your own), and MUST BE WORN on the fairgrounds AT ALL TIMES. This is for your protection and that of your fellow citizens. Removal of a helmet for ANY reason will result in your eviction from the Carnival and a stiff penalty, and your name sent to the CDC. Muslims are exempted from this rule.)