DANIEL GREENFIELD; THE WEEK THAT WAS PART ONE
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A PINCH OF SALT
There are reports that Mayor Bloomberg received letters that tested positive for Ricin. I’m sure his butler and his butler’s butler and his butler’s butler’s assistant are all very worried about their health.
Not Bloomberg though who is immune to Ricin, the Ebola virus, cholera, nerve gas, u-238, foxglove, typhoid fever and a plague of rabid bats.
Sending Bloomberg barrels of Ricin is absolutely useless. But farmers out on Staten Island say that putting a pinch of salt in front of their doorsteps will keep him away for a week. The salt has to be replaced every time it rains and they say that sea salt works best. Bloomberg hasn’t shown his face there in a while so the salt is probably doing its job.
Reports that Bloomberg can be kept away by wearing cloves of garlic are untrue. Bloomberg can stand exposure to garlic and sunlight. However anything with a lot of calories will send him fleeing into the night. If you walk down the street wearing a string of ketchup packets around your neck, no Bloomberg can harm you. If you light up a cigarette while doing it and swig from an open bottle of liquor, you can hear his thin keening cries of pain drifting up or down all the way from 77th Street.
If you find yourself being chased by Bloomberg late at night, instead of trying to run, bend down and erase a bicycle lane. Bloomberg will compulsively redraw it, leaving you free to enjoy your evening.
You can also distract Bloomberg by picking up a soda can and exclaiming, “I bet this is good for me.”
If you find yourself backed into a corner, grab a restaurant menu without any calorie information next to the servings and recite over and over again, “It’s only a tiny little steak. How many calories could it have.” If you truly believe it, then Bloomberg will vanish in a puff of smoke and be reborn as an ashtray.
Other charms and unguents efficacious for deterring Bloomberg include, NRA decals, a dash of water from the Gowanus canal, cars that aren’t energy efficient, two ostrich feathers tied together, a photo of Rudy Giuliani, a rare Madagascar blue chicken born at midnight and the United States Constitution.
If your demesne is haunted by Bloomberg, try and lure him into a private jet with a trail of urban reform studies, fly him to Shanghai and hope he adapts to his native habitat in the Communist Party.
THE FLOWERS OF COPLEY SQUARE
On John Wilson Street, the flowers lie thick. Men and women walk by leaving bouquets and cards. If not for the balloons and teddy bears with British flags on them, it might be Copley Square near the finish line of the Boston Marathon where the same bouquets lie limply against steel barriers. But there the teddy bears and balloons wear the stars and stripes.
In the middle of May, Prime Minister David Cameron was at Copley Square saying that we will never give in to the terrorists while praising the values of diversity and then two weeks later he was outside 10 Downing Street declaring that we will never give in to the terrorists and praising Islam. The places had changed but the script hadn’t.
Listen long enough and you realize that every politician is working from the same script.
A Memorial Day for Islamic Terror
THE MORAL HIGH GROUND
The trip cost a mere $42.8 million, which would have been enough to feed a sizable chunk of Africa, and featured an entourage that would have shamed Alexander the Great or Jay-Z. It took 1,300 people to make Clinton’s Great African Getaway possible including 205 personnel from the Office of the President, 60 from the State Department, 9 from the Department of Transportation and 1 from the Immigration and Naturalization Service. Somehow Fish and Wildlife stayed at home.
In Uganda, Clinton made history by apologizing for the slave trade. Uganda, however, was in East Africa and no slaves had gone to America from there. It was a case of, “I did not engage in slave trade with that part of the continent.”
None of the 1,300 people involved in the Great Apology Safari had bothered to research where the slaves came from because it didn’t matter. Bill Clinton was using Africa as a morality prop, the way that liberals so often use black people as props in their morality plays. In the little picture, he might be immoral for cheating on his wife, but in the big picture he was morally superior because he apologized for slavery.
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A SENATOR AND A BOILED CABBAGE
Senator McCain claimed, “We can identify who these people are. We can help the right people.” And who does he think the right people are?
McCain said he was escorted during his visit on Monday by General Salem Idris, leader of the Supreme Military Council of the Free Syrian Army, and that he had a long meeting with Idris and a group of his battalion commanders.
Salem Idris, whom he just met with, is on the record as defending the Al Nusra Front. “They are not terrorists,” he said of the Nusra Front.
McCain Knows Less About the Syrian Civil War than You Do
KENTUCKY DEMOCRATS CONTEMPLATE GIVING UP ON THE SENATE THING
Three years after becoming Miss America and marrying the Lt. Governor, Heather French Henry while driving her Lincoln Navigator SUV struck and killed a mother of four riding a bicycle, Karola Stede. Heather French Henry wasn’t injured. Stede’s youngest child was 8.
And that might have been that. Fatal accidents happen all the time. The creepy part came when Heather French Henry, not satisfied with having killed a woman, used her corpse to promote herself by going on Oprah to talk about how badly running over a woman made her feel.
Afterward Heather French Henry became an AAA spokesman, since I guess running someone over qualifies you for the job, and now wants a spot in the United States Senate.
Kentucky Dems to Replace Ashley Judd with Miss America Murderer
KEEPING THE RELIGION OF PEACE
After two Muslim terrorists beheading a British soldier in London, cops arrested an 85-year-old woman for shouting “Go back to your own country” at mosquegoers. Not only did they arrest her, but they even handcuffed her.
Now the police division has responded to criticism of their outrageous behavior with a defensive email, stating, “I am disappointed to read your views of the police response to the tragic event in Woolwich… our officers are trained to respond to any incident they are called to and regularly put themselves at risk to protect the public and keep the peace.”
UK Cops Explain Why they Handcuffed 85-Year-Old British Woman for Offending Muslims
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