RUTHFULLY YOURS

Here is the link to the interview. 

Here is the backstory to our friendship.

Way back in the summer of 2007, I was heading out the door on vacation, having thought I was also on vacation from my weekly column. Apparently not, according to my editor, who helpfully suggested writing something “quickly.”

OK. I obliged with a rare fantasy column: What if, during Vice President Cheney’s 125-minutes of presidential powers while George W. Bush was in surgery, Cheney actually used those powers?

The column opened like this:

For precisely two hours and five minutes on the morning of July 21, 2007, there was something different about our world.

The center of gravity shifted: President George W. Bush temporarily transferred the powers of his office to Vice President Dick Cheney.

The occasion was less than earth-shaking — a routine colonoscopy that required the president to be placed under general anesthesia. Bush underwent the same procedure back in the summer of 2002, transferring presidential powers to Cheney for the first, uneventful time.

But what a difference a second colonoscopy makes — or so Cheney might have thought as he prepared to assume presidential powers from his vacation perch on Maryland’s Eastern Shore. During the first procedure, the country was still in the patriotic throes of the early post-9/11 age. The Taliban were on the run, our mistakes in Iraq were unimagined, the president was committed to opposing — better, destroying — terror networks and the nations that support them. Even the president’s cozy, border-lite relationship with then-president of Mexico Vicente Fox was in temporary abeyance.

Five years later, Iraq is a mess. The administration’s lodestar policy of fighting terrorists has given way to free-falling “security” talks with Iran — currently, the most malignant jihadist threat. The president’s diplomatic freeze on the late, unlamented Yasser Arafat has melted into a warm embrace for Fatah, the party Arafat founded, now headed by Mahmoud Abbas, a Holocaust-denier, among other things. And who could forget the president’s recent amnesty debacle? And still the borders are undefended.

Well, what could he do? Cheney must have thought. He was only a vice president. And then, suddenly, a distant ruffle of drums rose up, as if from the bay, preceding the faintest strains of “Hail to the Chief,” and we dissolve to … An aide tentatively approached Cheney. Now, according to the constitutional powers vested in someone or other …

“Well, Mr. ‘President,’ said the aide, breaking his bitter reverie. “What should we do now? Settle in to watch the British Open until Mr. Bush comes to?” Mr. Cheney’s eyes followed the rising arc of a bird over the water.

“I want an Executive Order form, and I want it now.”

“Sir?”

“You heard me.”

Mr. Cheney checked his watch. It was already 35 minutes into his “presidential” term, but he had plenty of time left to issue presidential pardons for border agents Ignacio Ramos and Jose Alonso Compean (now serving excessively harsh terms for reportedly wounding a fleeing drug smuggler following a struggle). And while he was at it, what about presidential recognition for the service of some of our great soldiers who have been overzealously prosecuted after fighting in Iraq and left out to dry by their commander in chief? “Let’s gets these pardons going. I’d also like to issue some presidential proclamations, starting with Col. Allen West and Lt. Ilario Pantano, thanking these men for their military service and apologizing for not recognizing their gallantry sooner,” Cheney said.

He chuckled as he signed the orders pardoning the agents and thanking the soldiers. …

You can find out what Cheney did next here. That column, which, dear editor wherever you are, I enjoyed writing, did in the end get me out the door fairly quickly. But I didn’t know what a boon it really was until, lo and behold, I received an email from the real Allen West, then working as a military contractor in Afghanistan.

We’ve been friends ever since. And I wasn’t kidding when I responded to his on-air question about how to fix things by saying, first, we need Allen West back in Congress.