PAM MEISTER: YOGI BEAR STARVES TO DEATH DURING THE GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN
http://www.familysecuritymatters.org/publications/detail/yogi-bear-starves-to-death-during-government-shutdown
The death of Yogi Bear, lifelong resident of Jellystone Park, was announced by Ranger Smith this week. According to Ranger Smith, Yogi died of starvation related to the current government shutdown.
“Unlike other bears at Jellystone, who eat berries, grass, insects and the occasional fish or bit of roadkill, Yogi subsisted on sandwiches, potato salad and Rice Krispies treats pilfered from stolen picnic baskets,” said a tearful Ranger Smith. “Since the shutdown, hikers and picnickers have been banned from Jellystone and Yogi, whose natural instincts failed to kick in after years of eating human food, died a pitiful death.”
“His last words were, ‘I’m smarter than the average bear.'”
Yogi’s constant companion, young Boo-Boo Bear, was quoted as saying he’d tried to warn Yogi to switch to a more natural diet as government shutdown loomed.
“I told Yogi that pretty soon there wouldn’t be any more picnic baskets we could steal and that we should try to eat like the other bears. Yogi laughed and said, ‘Boo-Boo, you’ve tried to stop my brilliant ideas with common sense a thousand times. Has it ever worked?’ ‘No,’ I said. ‘Then let’s go-go-go!’ said Yogi. Unfortunately, when we went-went-went, there was nothing to be found. Not even a stale donut. Yogi loved donuts.” At this point, Boo-Boo tore off his bow tie and used it as a handkerchief.
Cindy Bear, Yogi’s on again-off again girlfriend, refused to be interviewed. She was seen hiding behind her parasol and being comforted by Ranger Smith.
Senate leader Harry Reid (D-NV) was asked, “But if you can help one bear who needs a sandwich, why wouldn’t you?” His response was firm: “Why would we want to do that? This is – to have someone of your intelligence suggest such a thing maybe means you’re irresponsible and reckless.” After the interview, he was heard practicing cowboy poetry behind the closed door of his office.
When reporters caught up with President Obama on the Andrews Air Force Base golf course, which remains open during the shutdown, he expressed remorse for Yogi’s demise, saying that he’d enjoyed watching the Yogi Bear Show as a child in Hawaii. “But let me be clear,” Obama continued. “No one is winning if the shutdown continues, but I will not negotiate. Republicans must come to me and beg for forgiveness. Now, if you’ll excuse me. FORE!”
“If only I could hear him say, ‘Hello, Mr. Ranger, sir! No, I don’t have a pic-a-nic basket behind my back’ just one more time,” said Ranger Smith.
Because there are no government funds available, there will be no funeral or memorial services for Yogi. His remains were dumped down the side of a cliff, where they were quickly devoured by other bears.
Pam Meister’s current interest in politics and world events goes back to the events of 9/11, when she made a conscious decision to contribute to the ongoing debate surrounding America’s soverignty and foreign policy. Other samples of her writing can be seen at American Thinker and Pajamas Media. Pam is also a former radio broadcaster, and has worked in both the publishing and healthcare industries. Her debut novel, Only Son, is available on Amazon.
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