HB : THANK GOD FOR CALIFORNIA
FROM MOUNTAIN MAN NEWS- NO URLS
Thank God for California. The State keeps the rest of us honest and also prevents the U.S. from having an inflated IQ. It is the place where the answer to any political, social, economic or skin problem requires a proposition. It has gotten to the point that many Californians are confused about whether a proposition is what one makes in order to avoid using ecstasy or a state referendum. Now grammar is another story. Prepositions are what one does before situating one’s body for sex.
The latest news from California is that Palomino State University will be offering an alternative to the stodgy, useless courses in English. Instead they will require students to take “Texting English.” Before the students are placed, however, they will have to answer the following questionnaire:
F u r 2 domb 2 not no wot ths meens dnt nsur. F u do, put n x belo.
Students who do not answer the question will be placed in Freshman Texting English. Students who sign it with their x, will automatically become juniors. Upon completion of the course, all will become eligible to serve as professors at the University. After 1 year of teaching, they will automatically become university administrators.
Since everyone has a cell phone and most of these have a calculator and a gps, Palomino has eliminated the Math and Geography Departments. There is also talk of eliminating the History Department, unless the professors in that exalted niche can demonstrate that they will be able to teach without using the past tense. Social Sciences are also in trouble, since conjecture often involves the subjunctive case.
The other 8000 institutions in the California Hire Education System are anxiously looking at Palomino as a beacon for future educational innovation. Ms. Vally Demoiselle, although only 19 years old, is the Chancellor of the California System. Daughter of Senator Homer Horowitz and Kiki Demoiselle, the 1990 Miss Lower California, Vally has sparkling white teeth and golden hair. Mountain Man News interviewed her about the Palomino experiments, and she told us “It’s like Wow. Totally awesome.”
We asked “so you approve of these steps?” and she replied:
“Well like duh… Helloooo . Anyone who’s anyone who’s anyone should have a computer, an ipod, ipad, iphone, and a fake ID.” It’s like so essential. Not knowing how to text is like going into a bar without a condom.”
FCOL, Mountain Man News.
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