Thanksgiving is coming—and with it, two big, annual, wildly contentious questions:
1. Is canned cranberry sauce actually a food product that should be consumed by human beings?
2. Can we talk politics at Thanksgiving dinner?
I want to go on the record: I like canned cranberry sauce, and I am at least 31% sure it is food.
At the same time, I believe if you shake cranberry sauce out of a can—with a big, disgusting THWUUUPPPPP —and leave it on a chair in the backyard until the year 3012, it will look exactly the same. By then the canned cranberry sauce may even be sentient and raising a family of its own.
Also: I think it’s OK to talk politics at Thanksgiving.
I realize the latter position is controversial. Many reasonable American families try at all costs to avoid politics at the Thanksgiving dinner table.
Some families actually have a rule: no politics at Thanksgiving, and it’s strictly enforced, like the way Mom made you and your spouse sleep in separate rooms until you were married. If you even say the word “politics,” the host will begin wildly waving his or her arms, as if a grizzly bear has rumbled into the kitchen.
Other families simply flee the table when Uncle Billy’s had a few cocktails and gets going about something he heard on talk radio.
It’s definitely safer to leave the conversation to more easygoing topics, like:
Weather.
Netflix shows we’re all watching.
Possible salmonella poisoning.
Serial killers loose in the neighborhood.
In-laws we don’t like.
Watching football has traditionally been an easy way to escape Thanksgiving political chitchat. The Detroit Lions were basically invented to help Americans avoid speaking to their families at Thanksgiving.
Thanks, Lions!
But even football is political this season. You’ve seen the headlines. You’ve read the tweets.