RUTHFULLY YOURS

Former first lady Michelle Obama surfaced at a Reach Higher 2018 College Signing Day event at Temple University in the City of Brotherly Love, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Speaking on behalf of her Better Make Room initiative, Michelle was gussied up in a black jumpsuit and a denim jacket and sounded a bit like rapper Common.

During her keynote speech, the former FLOTUS paused in all the right places and used ghetto-talk and hip-hop hand gestures to keep with the flow of her sing-songy exhortation to 8,000 Philadelphia high school students signing up for college.  After sharing sad experiences from her childhood, the former first lady officially announced that despite the discouragement of  “haters,” she became America’s “forever first lady.”

In other words, despite Melania Trump being the current “first lady,” much as Michelle’s husband Barack fancies himself “forever president of the United States,” according to Mrs. Obama, she is, and always will be, America’s “forever first lady.”  Based on the cheering coming from the audience, the kids agreed.

Here’s what Rapping Michelle had to say:

Seeing as breaking it down is what rappers do, let’s break down some of what the forever first lady shared.

For starters, why does Michelle always try to strengthen her comments by speaking in plurals?  During one part of her speech, she said, “We have such high hopes for you.”  Question: Is Barack the mystery half of the “we” who have “such high hopes” for 8,000 future college students?

Michelle Obama excited the cheering crowd when she told them “[she] knows that [they] have everything it takes to succeed.”  Then, Michelle reminded the kids, “See, I am not one of those doubters.”

Why does Mrs. Obama always make vague references to nonexistent individuals from her past?  Thankfully, Shelley is “not one of those doubters” who doubt that the 8,000 School District of Philadelphia schoolchildren can succeed.  However, unlike Michelle Obama, some nameless, faceless doubter apparently thinks otherwise.

After Michelle made obscure references to anonymous doubters, she played the predictable “you are me” card, telling the audience, “I know you are me.”

Let’s not forget that both the Obamas have made it known that their goal is to have millions of tiny little Barack and Michelle clones running around like automaton facsimiles, doing what the two progressive programmers command them to do.

Recently, the former president shared with an Asian audience that he and Michelle both realize that the presidency constrained their ability to propagate “a million young Barack Obamas or Michelle Obamas.”  So, when Michelle tells an audience full of high school students “you are me,” for her, it’s not clever wordplay; it’s a call to service.

Michelle ended her upbeat, breathy rap-style exhortation by informing the potential “little mes” that if she could be standing there as “forever first ;ady,” then “[they] can do anything [they] put [their] mind to.”

Everyone was so exhilarated by the drivel; neither the Princeton grad nor her audience realized that if taken literally, what was said could be construed to mean that if the students put their mind to it, they could become America’s “forever first lady” – which would cancel out the “forever” part for Michelle.

The keynote speaker ended her nine-minute speech by reminding the students that when they are out there, they will hit roadblocks.  Then the “forever first lady” urged the students, when meeting those barriers, to think fondly of 2018 College Signing Day at Temple University and remember that when not vacationing or out stirring up racial tension, she’d be “thinking and praying” for all 8,000 of them.