RUTHFULLY YOURS

A specter is haunting San Francisco, the city by the Bay, also known as “The City.” Call it the “defecation crisis,” or an excess of excrement, but as they say, it is the shit, and lots of it. So much, in fact, that maps mark out favored defecation areas, and we are not talking about dogs here. Human beings are dropping their drawers and unloading at will, and that’s a problem.

When fecal matter dries, particles become airborne and can spread dangerous viruses such as rotavirus. Inhaling those germs can be fatal, according to infectious disease expert Lee Riley of UC Berkeley, just across the San Francisco Bay. So the dangers of continuing to allow this folly have been proved by science—but The City wasn’t always so foolish.

In 1967, on the cusp of the “Summer of Love,” Scott McKenzie released the song “San Francisco,” all about the gentle people and wearing flowers in their hair. McKenzie passed away at 73 in 2012, and current conditions in The City require some revision to his famous song, perhaps along these lines:

If you’re going to San Francisco

You’re sure to smell a strong stench in the air

In the streets of San Francisco, human shit is sure to pile up there

If you’re going to San Francisco

Be sure to head on down to Union Square

In all parts of San Francisco, many people will be shitting there. 

Down by the station, such a reeking sensation

Bowels in motion 

There’s a whole generation

Practicing evacuation

Bowels  in motion

Bowels in motion

All those who come to San Francisco

Are sure to smell a strong stench in the air

In the streets of San Francisco, they’re sure to find an open sewer there

For other musical treatments of San Francisco, see of course the timeless Tony Bennett, who left his heart there. Check out the Animals’ “San Franciscan Nights,” also from 1967. Both could stand some revision, and the problem is getting worse.

San Franciscans just elected as District Attorney Chesa Boudin, son of violent Weather Underground radicals, named after fugitive cop killer Joanne Chesimard, and a former advisor to Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez. The credentialed Boudin quickly announced he would not prosecute “quality of life” crimes such as public defecations. Those actions quickly spread to grocery store aisles and in San Francisco, contrary to what Democrats proclaim, all such defecators are above the law. As they say in The City, it is the shit.

Meanwhile, the city of San Francisco lies within California’s 12th Congressional District, represented by Democrat Nancy Pelosi, the speaker of the House and a member of Congress since 1987. Pelosi’s recent antics bring to mind a saying, sometimes attributed to Mark Twain: politicians and diapers should be changed often, and for the same reason.