RUTHFULLY YOURS

You’ve probably asked this yourself over the last few weeks or days: where is this all heading and how will it end up?

It’s a question being asked on both sides of the Atlantic, whether you are watching the people’s republic of CHAZ (Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone) in Seattle or Black Lives Matter protestors ripping statues from their foundations in Bristol, UK. It makes you wonder: how do we make it stop?

And just when you think we have reached peak madness, something even crazier comes along. As we speak, Algerian and Chechen Muslims are waging street battles with Kalashnikovs on the streets of Dijon in France. Armed warfare in sleepy Dijon is about as surprising as a vegan wedding in Texas.

Because, like many others, you are probably struggling to keep up with it all, I thought I would create a showreel of 2020, a kind of lightning recap of the year to date, with hysteria ratings as a handy guide to how outraged you should be*. I do not apologize if you find this kind of flippancy offensive; it is a human truth that humor is essential in times of crises. And if you don’t think we are in crises you are either ex Special Forces or in a deep vegetative state.

1) The Chinese virus from Wuhan.

Pictures of Chinese people shoving bats into soup and sucking them up with chopsticks and a side order of live rat help explain where the global plague might have come from, but did nothing to stop the World Health Organisation’s eagerness to defend China, deny the existence of Taiwan and talk rubbish about plague.

To the apparent delight of China (and socialists disguised as Democrats), lockdown spread faster than the plague itself, paralysing entire Western economies and straining the pants of the petty corona-Stasi tighter than the wallet in Bernie Sanders’ pocket.

Hysteria rating: 10

2) Lockdown.

In what will be known as The Greatest Hoax in History, successive governments locked down their countries at the behest of mad scientists. Unsure how to defend against an invisible enemy, the only option was to ‘follow The Science’.

Unfortunately, it turns out The Science was not only as reliable as the spelling of my dyslexic ten-year-old, but also more political than most sharp-heeled lobbyists in Washington.

‘The Science’ and ‘Socialised Healthcare’ are not politicly neutral, they are the Intelligence Arm of the Socialists. Just because someone wears a white coat or is labelled an expert does not make their every utterance true. I learned this as a ‘Security Guard’ at DisneyLand Paris. Despite my uniform and a radio, I had zero interest in securing anything other than the ardent attentions of François from Space Mountain.

Hysteria rating: 4,000

3) #GeorgeFloyd death.

Clearly it is a terrible thing that any man or woman should die in police custody, for whatever reason. No one wants their life to end on a bad note, not even me, though I fear in my case that note is already written.

However, the erasing of a man’s history and his elevation to sainthood in the space of 8 minutes 46 seconds is something of a record even in the hysteria of 2020. A criminal record longer than my first marriage, a history of violence against black women and levels of morphine and Fentanyl in his system strong enough to euthanize a horse suggest he may not have been the Black Jesus the socialists were praying for him to be.

I am sorry for him and his family. And sorry, too, that they had to have the dreadful Reverend Al Sharpton screaming politics at them as they tried to grieve, clad in white polyester.

Hysteria rating: 23

4) Black Lives Matter protests.

As if waiting backstage for a moment just like #GeorgeFloyd, the Black Lives Matter movement was well placed across the globe to capitalize on the tragic death of a black man in police custody.

Those countries without a #GeorgeFloyd of their own found other deaths to lend relevancy and credibility to their riots. In the UK we were given #BellyMujinga, a black lady who died of COVID-19. In France it was #AdamaTraoré. Same playbook, different names. All tragedies in themselves, but used to incite violence from a volatile crowd made more so by endless lockdown and unemployment.

Watching tens of thousands of BAME (Black Asian and Minority Ethnic) and white protestors crowd against each other, a human soup of bodily fluids, made me question just how much concern this community has for the coronavirus after all.

They said corona was racist, disproportionately impacting black families. But at the first opportunity to get some free stuff from Macy’s, somehow all that concern over racism went away.

Hysteria rating: 932

5) Taking a knee.

Those wanting to be seen as allies in the fight against whatever it was, figured out the fastest way to become a black ally was to take a knee. Sometimes this was literal, as in the case of soy-boy cops in London. Sometimes it was symbolic, as in hiding London’s Cenotaph (our Memorial to our Fallen) and Churchill’s statue at the behest of the Muslim Mayor of London.

Taking a knee is much more than a physical act. You are prostrating yourself to socialism and once you assume the position, it is game over. Doesn’t matter how low you go or how deep the hole you try to dig yourself into, you will never get low enough for the mob.

Now all statues are fair game and must be destroyed or removed. Then police must be defunded. Now an Autonomous Zone is created. Then there is the next thing that must be destroyed. All of it is negative: defund, undo, remove, destroy.

What Black Lives Matter really wants is revenge for sins of the past. And revenge for history has no end. See the plight of the whites in South Africa for details.

Hysteria rating: 892

6) People who menstruate.

JK Rowling high-kicked herself into the hysterical abyss with this tweet, suggesting that people who menstruate are called women.

Clearly this sort of wild biologically-accurate assertion is no longer acceptable in the mad 20s.

Accordingly, she has been threatened with death, had the cast of Harry Potter stick the boot in to better align themselves with the trans-mafia, and been dropped from everything. Even her publishers are downing tools (which is a bit like digging a hole in the luxury liner you’ve been cruising in).

I am content to be called many things by my critics: horse-face, Trump-lover, wrinkled ball-sack, trans-Ellen. But I REFUSE to be called a person who menstruates. And I hope every single one of those festering kids made famous by JK Rowling and now attacking the hand that fed them – never earns a single penny again.

Hysteria rating: 8

The biggest question that remains is: how do we make it stop?

And the answer is surprisingly simple. To date, 2020 has been in the hands of the socialists, from the Wuhan flu to the lockdown to the contrived Black Lives Matter protests. Their momentum is derived from taking things away through chaos and destruction.

Shut down, stop, defund, destroy, remove, steal, kneel.

To stop all this madness, we do the opposite. We open up, start, invest, rebuild, replace, return – and we stand tall as we do it.

We stand strong, we get furious and we rebuild America. The Great American Comeback is underway. Hysterical Britain will be looking to you for hope.

*Hysteria ratings are as reliable as the math of AOC.