RUTHFULLY YOURS

With so many people feeling stressed out and at odds with the world, I feel it is my duty as Energizer to try and install some much-needed good humor and optimism into our team.

I appreciate there is an awful lot of darkness out there and more bad news than for CNN on election night, but there are many more reasons to be cheerful. Here are just five:

[1] You are on the same team as Louie Gohmert.

When my young son asks me which superhero I would like to be, I always answer Louie Gohmert. Texas is blessed to have him.

The one-man fighting machine introduced a resolution on the floor of the House to ban the Democrat Party.

Everybody knows that slavery has been pushed and protected by the Democratic Party, they are the ones that pushed Jim Crow laws….So if we are going to hold the Democrats to the same standards they want to hold everybody else to and get rid of any vestiges of slavery, it means getting rid of the Democratic party.

All Congressman Gohmert needs is a red cape and some tight blue pants with his briefs worn on the outside and we can legitimately call him Super-Louie.

2) You are not Ghislaine Maxwell.

And to be honest I feel kind of sorry for the woman. Not because of her alleged involvement in one of the most high-level pedophile networks of the 21st Century, but because it can’t be easy to sleep at night knowing your own suicide is imminent.

Given the choice of firing squad or scheduled suicide, I can honestly say I would pick the former every time, given it is supposed to be quick and painless (I am not certain how anyone provided that review).

Being scheduled for suicide via a pair of gloved hands and a prison towel sounds like it might sting a bit. And in this worrying time of Corona, it might not be as socially-distanced as one might hope.

3) You are not British.

If you are, then I apologize. You get only four reasons to be cheerful (though you did have me as a fellow countryman and as my husband likes to say: “I am the gift that keeps on giving.” I do not think he means this in the complimentary sense.)

Brits have well and truly lost their tiny minds. Not only are they applauding mandatory face masks like fat seals clapping for a fish, but they simply cannot get enough of government control.

Brits are so determined to obey the state and its demand that we “protect our health service,” tens of thousands have died quietly in their homes from cancers and other curable conditions so as not to “cause a fuss.” British people apologize for themselves even as they are dying in agony.

I seem to be a lone voice in pointing out that a health service is supposed to protect its people, not the other way around. Socialized healthcare is a wart on the buttocks of life.

Sensible Americans know the right answer to uncertainty: buy gold and guns. The more wacko the world gets, the longer the lines outside Dick’s Sporting Goods. I applaud you all.

Sadly, Brits don’t have these inalienable rights and we aren’t allowed to defend ourselves with anything stronger than a bottle of hand sanitizer. Nor do we have a Constitution to refer to on matters pertaining to liberty.

Be cheerful you are not British. I can drink as many cups of tea as I want, but I will never feel the cold pleasure of a concealed carry down my pants.

4) Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV.

The President of the USA is proud of his cognitive function and has been talking up the results of his memory tests, explaining that he was asked to recall and repeat a sequence of words at the beginning and end of the test; “If you get it in order, you get extra points.”

Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV.

Take heart America. It is unlikely that Biden would be able to match these words to the corresponding picture cards let alone recall them in order.

Clearly this is not a laughing matter and the parading of an obviously-challenged man as a presidential candidate is the sort of cruel sport only Democrats would enjoy.

But the solid physical and mental condition of Trump should give you reason to take heart. With 100 days until the election you need a fighter prepared to withstand the worst of what humanity has to offer. Portland is a fine example.

Trump is in peak condition to do exactly that.

5) You are not young.

And suddenly being “a bit older” is a reason for good cheer.

If you think 2020 is tough, imagine what it is like for the young — all wide-eyed and determined to change the world, full of the certainty everything is going to be just as they have been spoon-fed by the leftists in college.

A friend’s daughter has just secured a part-time holiday job at a restaurant chain and is facing this new reality head on:

• She has to wear a face mask AND a visor whilst trying to interact with customers in a confined space. Her powers of communication (never her strongest asset) will be reduced to that of an amoeba in the dark.
• Her shifts have start times but no finish times. If the restaurant is quiet she can be sent home to save on costs. A shift could be anything from one hour to eight.
• She is not allowed to leave her station for her break, but must sit on a bench by the bins ready to begin again.
• She has been given a t-shirt and a hat. Asking what to do if it gets cold, she was told to move faster.

In a world where the labor market is overflowing with workers, the individual becomes a disposable community. The only competition for employers is how much can you get people to do for how little.

This is the free market at work, and I admire it for its ruthless mapping of demand and supply.

And whilst none of us enjoy watching the young and naive struggle to get started in this brave new world, it is a cheerful truth that—for once—age is on our side.

Perspective is a powerful ally, and it sits with those of us who have endured childbirth, chronic reflux, crepey skin, hemorrhoids, and varicose veins, and lived to tell the tale.

And on that cheery note, friends, I leave you.

Take heart. Be uplifted. For you are not Ghislaine Maxwell, and that is a very good thing indeed.