https://amgreatness.com/2018/08/22/as-long
‘As Long as I’m Living, My Baby You’ll Be’
By Julie Kelly
Eighteen years ago, I was decorating the world’s most perfect nursery. We knew our first baby would be a girl, so the room was awash in pink. Each item—from the cribside lamp to the diaper caddy—was an agonizing decision. I spent months stitching a homemade quilt with matching bumper pads. (Who was that person!?)
Over her crib, I stenciled this phrase from a famous children’s book:
I’ll love you forever,I’ll like you for alwaysAs long as I’m living,My baby you’ll be.
I can’t count how many times I read that book to my daughter before bed. There were nights she would ask me to read it and I would cringe—particularly after a long day—hoping she would choose something shorter and less repetitive. Then one evening I read it to her for the last time and I didn’t even know it. That’s the fleeting, cruel thing about parenthood: You focus so much on the firsts that the lasts quietly slip past you and you don’t realize those precious moments will never return.
Eighteen years after I painted those words on her wall, I sat in her very teenaged room in a different house watching her pack for college. We blasted old Hannah Montana tunes (her childhood idol) and argued about how there was no way in hell she would fit 16 pairs of shoes in her dorm closet. As we taped up each box, the reality of her leaving began to sink in. And the hole in my heart started to burn.
There is nothing unique or special about my preparing to send off my firstborn to college. Thousands of moms are doing it right now and feeling the same emotions that I am. But for stay-at-home moms like me, who gave up careers instead to raise children in a culture that devalued and demeaned that choice, it is an opportunity for reflection. Did I make the right choice? Would she have turned out any differently had I worked full-time? Did my choice teach her to subjugate her own future dreams and independence for her husband and children? Where would I be now professionally and financially had I continued working?