In a dusty hovel somewhere in Iraq, ISIS press officer Mohommet shuffled nervously as Imam Muhammad cast an angry eye over the shame-faced young man he had summoned to his presence.
“By the beard of the Prophet, you’re an incompetent dill,” snarled Muhammad. “Here we have yet another surprise attack on the kufr in their lair, and do we get any credit? No!”
Mohommet went to say something in his defence but was silenced by Muhammad’s escalating fury.
“I mean, seriously, why don’t we just put your head on a pike and be done with it? Clearly, there is no brain between those ears!”
Again Mohommet went to speak. Again he was cut off.
“Allah’s latest martyrs shoot up a Christmas party, kill 14 infidels and plunge another Crusader city into chaos, and what do I see everywhere in the infidel press? No credit where credit is due, that’s what I see!”