On Tuesday, November 8, millions of gender studies professors, cultural appropriation protesters and environmental ethicists were tucked into their beds in their footy pajamas confident in the reports by the RealNews™ that Hillary Clinton would be the next progressive President of the United States.
Meanwhile the “Fake News” insisted laughably that Donald J. Trump would win.
Next morning they found out that the real news had been fake and the fake news had been real. To prevent that from ever happening again, RealNews™ launched a crusade against “Fake News.” Only once “Fake News,” a category that covers everything from FOX News to random people on Reddit, has been entirely censored, can the reality-based community feel safe in its imaginary RealNews™ world.
RealNews™ has since revealed that Trump didn’t really win because he lost the popular vote, only won because of Russian hackers and the Electoral College. And the Electoral College should be abolished unless it agrees to make Hillary Clinton president in which case, four legs good, two legs better. Almost 5 million progressives took time out from angrily downloading browser plugins that replace every mention of Trump with Bernie Sanders to sign a petition demanding that Hillary Clinton be made president.
Like their browser plugins, it didn’t work.
The old Soviet joke was that there was no truth in Pravda. But RealNews™ has no sense of humor.
Brian Williams whined, “Fake news played a role in this election and continues to find a wide audience.” That’s true. Williams, who had to go into exile on MSNBC after it was revealed that he didn’t really win WW2 singlehandedly with a wiffle bat, has done well enough that he can lose to reruns of O’Reilly. There’s enough of a market for fake news to keep MSNBC supplied with cronuts for Al Sharpton.
“You know what, you can put out completely false things and, especially the way the Internet works, it’ll go viral and worldwide,” complained Dan Rather. “And the truth has no chance of catching up with it.”