A North Korean ship trying to sneak missiles through the Panama Canal after leaving Havana was seized by Panamanian authorities this week. Somebody tipped off the Panamanians that the vessel was carrying illegal drugs.
Instead, while searching under sacks of Cuban sugar the Panamanians found the ship crammed with missiles and mucho military contraband. (Nuke-rattling North Korea has been under a UN arms embargo since 2006.)
Upon getting caught red-handed the ship’s North Korean captain and crew went berserk. The hysterical captain was crippled by a heart-attack then tried committing suicide by slitting his throat. The crew ran amok sabotaging the ship’s unloading cranes and battled with the Panamanian police. No fatalities were reported and the crazed North Koreans were eventually subdued, arrested and incarcerated inside an old U.S. naval base.
A proud Panamanian President Ricardo Martinelli announced the spectacular bust whereupon Republican Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen issued a press-release. “This incident should serve as a wakeup call to the [Obama] Administration, which over the past few months has been leading an apparent effort to normalize relations with Cuba, that it cannot continue to engage the Castro regime,” read the statement by the former Chairwoman of the House Committee on Foreign Relations. “This revelation confirms once again that Pyongyang must be re-designated on the State Sponsor of Terrorism list as it continues to cooperate with the Cuban regime, a designated State Sponsor of Terrorism country, in order to undermine U.S. interests.”
At first Raul Castro tried threatening the Panamanians behind the scenes with stern diplomatic notes. Then last Saturday, in the manner of Don “Da Godfather” Corleone sending Tom “consigliere” Hagen to Hollywood for a chat with director Jack Woltz, Castro sent his “Vice Foreign Minister” (court eunuch) Rogelio Sierra Díaz to Panama for a “chat” with President Martinelli, whose response was identical to Woltz’s. So Castro’s court eunuch scurried home with his tail between his legs.
But instead of the famously equine and bloody Corleone response, Castro — on the hot-seat, without leverage and without any room to maneuver — issued a half-heated mea culpa, claiming the two anti-aircraft missile systems, nine missiles, two Mig-21 fighter jets and 15 jet engines hidden on the ship. The North Koreans were going to repair the items and promptly return them to Cuba, says a straight-faced Castro.
Last month North Korea’s military chief, General Kyok Sik Kim, and a much-bemedaled entourage visited Cuba and stayed for a week-long meeting with, among others, Raul “El Guapo” Castro himself. We came “to find colleagues in the same trench: the Cuban comrades,” snapped the scowling North Korean general.