François will bring the Croissants*
* “croissants” = flaky, buttery, crescent-shaped pastry… “croissance” = growth
Well, that’s settled! Angela will provide the meat and potatoes and François will bring the croissants. From each according to his means, to each according to his needs. Now you understand why Nicolas Sarkozy lost the election. He never thought of that quick fix while running back and forth between Paris and Berlin last winter, even when his wife Carla was in labor. The upshot was Giulia, cooing and growing far from the camera’s eye—we’ve never seen the tiniest image of the former president’s daughter—and French media pissing on Sarkozy for letting Brunhilde Merkel dictate the terms of what has come to be known as the infamous austerity pact. Now the victorious François is transforming France, Europe, and the world. He promised he would go to Berlin, to Washington, to the G8, and let them know “French voters have spoken.” They don’t want austerity. The Greeks don’t want austerity. The Spanish are sick to death of it, the Italians are fed up, the Portuguese are feverish, and those who haven’t caught it yet are terrified of contagion. They want croissance!
French media love François. They hated Nicolas with a vengeance. They made fun of him for being short. Now that President Hollande is the same height it’s not an issue. Le Monde[i] looks on with tender indulgence as the new president, jumping from his provincial sinecure to the highest office, bumbles awkwardly into international meetings like a mistaken identity comic: “… he’s still a bit out of step in the midst of the world leaders. If he hasn’t acquired Barack Obama’s relaxed casual look or the snobbish ease of David Cameron at least he’s not stiff like the austere Angela Merkel.” So what if Hollande misses cues, arrives late for his own press conferences, missed Obama’s opening remarks at the NATO Conference, and the only thing he wants to do ahead of schedule is pull French troops out of Afghanistan? With a flip of the wrist he turned the eurozone from austerity to croissants.