RUTHFULLY YOURS

Bad news for America: we’re facing a serious deficit of crazyiness Insane Democrats used to fill the aisles, as James Traficant, Alan Grayson and Cynthia McKinney fought aliens, anti-psychotic meds and the voices in their heads. But sadly elections have taken their toll on the dumbest and craziest congressmen. Now we’ve only got David Wu and Sheila Jackson-Lee to kick around.

Sheila Jackson-Lee might be the dumbest person in congress. She might even be the dumbest person outside congress. If there were ever a global championship for idiots, the country could send her there. And leave her there; because unlike Lassie, she wouldn’t be able find her way back on her own.

When Enron wanted someone to use as a puppet, they picked Sheila Jackson-Lee. They wanted a woman who didn’t have a mind of her own. Enron executives described her as “agreeable”, which was a polite way of saying, “dumber than a bunch of rocks caught in the hubcaps of a slow bus going the wrong way on a one way street in the middle of a flood.”

Jackson-Lee’s only qualification for sitting on the Subcommittee on Space and Aeronautics was the space between her ears. She visited JPL and asked if the Mars Rover would be able to show “the flag the astronauts planted there before”. Staffers were reportedly surprised that she didn’t complain about cost overruns on the Death Star.

In February, Congress was debating federal spending. And Sheila Jackson-Lee got up to make her contribution denouncing a Pepsi commercial as racist. Other things that Jackson-Lee has denounced as racist include hurricanes, a balanced budget and secret service agents. Crying “Racism” is actually her only life skill.

In 2003, Sheila Jackson-Lee complained that hurricane names were too “lilly white” and said that “All racial groups should be represented.” She suggested Hurricanes “Keisha, Jamal and Deshawn”.

Last year, Lee tried to denounce the Tea Party as racist at an NAACP meeting, but in the middle of it she forgot the word for sheets, and condemned them for wearing, “uh, clothing with a name.”  Which is exactly how most of the rest of Congress refers to her.

Not only has Jackson-Lee voted against every national security measure she could think of, but she actually goes out looking for dictators to support. She  invited Assad to speak in Texas, urged F-16 parts sales to Hugo Chavez, called for an end to economic sanctions against Saddam and participated in an event conducted by an Iranian regime front group against military action on Iran. She might be considered a walking security risk, if she actually knew anything.

Last last year she got up on the House floor to celebrate the victory in Vietnam and the “two Vietnams, side by side, North and South.”

There probably isn’t a single member of congress less fit to understand how the government works or what her duties are. Jackson-Lee opposed repealing Obamacare because that would violate the Fifth Amendment’s right to Due Process. An Amendment that had so little to do with the topic at hand that she might as well have picked it by throwing a dart at the Bill of Rights. In one sentence, she proved that she had never read the Bill of Rights and had no idea what Due Process even means.

But while Sheila Jackson-Lee might know as much about the Bill of Rights, as she does about Vietnam or what a hurricane is– she does know how to get attention. Before a State of the Union address, she makes sure to get herself an aisle seat so she can be seen shaking hands with the president. But not only is she an aisle hog, she’s also a floor hog.

Jackson-Lee’s floor hog antics got so bad, that congressional staffers ran a pool for the rare day when she doesn’t get up to speak. Because someone has to denounce those racist Pepsi commercials and call for affirmative action for hurricanes. And with Traficant fresh out of jail and Cynthia McKinney on a boat to Gaza– it’s all up to her.

Whether it’s trying to barge into the Treasury Building or demanding First Class upgrades or an entire row of seats to herself from airlines– rudeness and entitlement are second nature to a woman whose only achievement in life was to ride a sponsorship as the crony of the most corrupt company in America to a lifetime race card.

“I am a queen, and I demand to be treated like a queen,” Sheila Jackson-Lee once reportedly said. It may be that she knows so little about government that she actually thinks she was elected to be a queen. The Queen of Racism, perhaps. Racism is her answer to everything. If there’s a problem that can’t be solved by crying racism, Jackson-Lee has never heard of it.

Should the dumbest woman in congress, who began her career serving a corrupt corporation, and has a 3 percent rating from Citizens Against Government Waste, who can’t tell a planet from a satellite, doesn’t know what the Bill of Rights says and uses her position to denounce commercials she doesn’t like from the House floor, really even be in Congress?

Of course she should. For the 174,000 dollars we pay congressmen, the least we can get back is a little entertainment.