MARILYN PENN: IT’S TEN P.M. ****
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I asked Google for information about athletes who have fathered many children by different women and was bowled over when numerous pages of results appeared. To summarize the first few websites, here is a partial list of the top offenders: Calvin Murphy – 14 illegitimate children by 9 women; Travis Henry – 9 kids by 9 women; Antonio Cromartie – 9 kids by 8 women; Jason Caffey – 8 kids by 7 women; Shawn Kemp – 7 kids by 6 women; Derrick Thomas – 7 kids by 5 women. There are more than 70 other names with less dramatic numbers – fewer than 5 illegitimate children per athlete, but by any yardstick of measurement, these are staggering statistics for people who are heroes to a vast majority of American boys and men. Their reputation as deadbeat dads doesn’t hurt their careers or their fan base, yet the role models they project to youth are surely as dangerous as tobacco to the 70% of African-American women who are single mothers.
The most serious domestic question facing America today – the one that precedes and precipitates the dilemma of unemployment – is how to cope with the myriad problems resulting from children being raised without a biological father in the home. That is the single biggest predictor of poverty, failure to graduate from high school, drug and alcohol abuse, child-abuse, depression, teen pregnancy, gang membership, anti-social behavior and unemployability. We have laws in this country outlawing polygamy but no penalties for serial impregnation of multiple women. We have laws governing marriage and divorce but none prohibiting out of wedlock predatory sexual behavior that lieaves women and children in its wake, impoverished and dependent upon the state for support and care. It’s hard to understand why it’s illegal to be a Mormon father who lives with and supports multiple wives and children while it’s legal to be a father who abandons his mates and progeny, leaving them at the mercy of hard-working taxpayers to support for life. We can try to force such people to pay for their children but we can’t penalize their sexual predilections. Though we have taken children away from polygamous families, we idolize promiscuous athletes, perversely rewarding them with fortune and fame.
It’s clear that the paradigm of marriage first/children second is a relic of the past century. The numbers of single mothers keep rising but are most alarming for black and Hispanic women. Even among the diehards who still marry, divorce is increasingly common and the dissolution of an intact family is more the norm than an aberration. We are in the process of legitimizing gay marriage in more and more states while the problem of the disappearing heterosexual marrieds escapes our purview. No amount of money thrown into the educational system will have the desired results without addressing the fact that too many students come from impoverished backgrounds – both financially and culturally. Children have the best chance of succeeding when they are raised by two parents who value them, care for them and provide them with security and guidance. Schools cannot compensate for the lack of stability that governs the home lives of illegitimate children; we are in denial if we think that they can.
One way to start the long climb back to respecting the interlocking concept of marriage and paternity is to denigrate the people who flout it and hold them to accountability. The same advertising campaigns we see on t.v. to discourage smoking should begin to spotlight the faces of famous athletes and celebrities who have set seriously bad examples for their adoring fan base. For years, we listened to the television admonishment that said: “It’s 10 pm – do you know where your children are?” It’s time to change one word to make it read: “It’s 10 pm – do you know who your children are?” More urgently, the question that determines the future of the next generation is “Do you know who your father is and does he live with you?” Until that can be answered affirmatively, we have little chance of mitigating the irreparable social damage that impacts us all.
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