RUTHFULLY YOURS

I think the attacks against Elizabeth Warren, who pretended to be an American Indian to advance her career, are wrong. To the contrary, she simply did what we all should be doing! She sabotaged America’s racist affirmative action regime, or — the term I prefer to call it — America’s affirmative apartheid.

She should be our role model. We should all do the same thing she did and proclaim ourselves members of whichever fashionable list of preferred “minorities” the racists administering affirmative apartheid happen to be promoting this week.

There are lots of ways we can do so. First, anthropologists believe that the human species originated on the African continent. So, by my reckoning, that makes us all African-Americans. Why can’t we proclaim ourselves such on the “race identification forms” used for hiring and college admissions?

In addition, I have always had a special sense of repulsion at the Ivy League institutions implementing affirmative apartheid. Just consider this: until the 1960s, American Ivy League universities openly and unabashedly had quotas designed to keep out Jews. Until the 1960s they did not hide this and proudly admitted to the quotas. And then, a few years later, the very same institutions were again discriminating against Jews because Jews had been defined as part of the “white” ethnicity against which their affirmative apartheid programs were discriminating. Remember when the liberuhs used to pretend that affirmative action preferences were needed to compensate members of groups who had in the past been victims of discrimination? Well, Harvard and its sisters today proudly discriminate against the very same Jews against whom they proudly discriminated in the past and for which discriminative affirmative action is supposed to be the remedy.

Got all that?

That’s not all: most Jews can claim to be Hispanics. Why? Because so many Jews have ancestors who lived in Spain and its colonies or on the Iberian peninsula. Take me, for example (and I hear my wife in the background saying, “Take him, please!”) Despite my Germanic Ashkenazi surname, we Plauts originated in medieval Spain. So ever since I was a freshman in college in Philadelphia, I have proclaimed myself a Hispanic. True, I do not speak Spanish, but since when is that relevant? Lots of other Hispanics do not speak Spanish. How many African-Americans speak African languages? Let’s watch the affirmative Klansters drag out some tape measures to measure skull shapes and noses and utilize other Nazi anthropological methods for establishing race to keep us out!

And if all that fails, we can all claim to be Native Americans — at least all of us who were born in the United States and so are natives and have bona fide birth certificates.

Oh, and none of us have to be “pure blooded” members of the preferred minority group in question. True, the affirmative Klansters want us to have a certain minimum portion of “blood” from the preferred racial group to “count,” a bit like the way Adolf Hitler’s people defined race. Let’s see them try to defend that in court!

If every single one of us is a member of a favored minority, then the apartheid system of affirmative action cannot function.

And since affirmative action is supposed to be a form of compensation for those who have suffered past discrimination, isn’t it about time that we introduce reverse affirmative action? This would be a system of preferences and special benefits for those people who have been discriminated against by 45 years of affirmative action programs. The prime beneficiary group should be Asian-Americans, whose numbers are kept down at the most competitive universities in America (except at Berkeley and UCLA, where the voters forced the state to stop discriminating, and Asians rapidly became the majority of undergraduates). But plain-vanilla Caucasians also deserve to be beneficiaries.

There is one other thing worth bearing in mind. And that is that the affirmative action lobby, and this includes just about all feminists and liberals, is strongly opposed to racial equality and equal opportunity on principle.

The problem has to do with the most common error in social science: the superstitious belief in “natural homogeneity.” This is the ridiculous belief in the axiom holding that, in the absence of discrimination, every single demographic and ethnic group in society should have numerical representation in all things, in all professions and all salary classes, proportionate to their numbers in the population. Thus, according to this superstition, any departure from perfect numerical homogeneity in “representation” must be due to discrimination. Never any need actually to document or prove discrimination. The statistical disparity is all the proof needed.

Of course, the economic and social reality is that equal opportunity never produces homogeneity, and heterogeneity in numerical “representation” almost never has anything at all to do with “discrimination.” Thomas Sowell’s books are overflowing with proofs and illustrations. Indeed, the only way to achieve numerical homogeneity is to suppress equal opportunity and competition and merit-based hiring and to impose quotas and outright discrimination upon society.

And that is exactly what the feminists, the race-hucksters, and the liberals really want!So take it from this African-American Asian Hispanic Native American! The best way to end racism and discrimination in America is for all of us to follow Elizabeth Warren’s lead and sabotage affirmative apartheid once and for all!