Headlines We’re Never Going To See In Our Lifetime
They say that fiction writers have it tough these days because no matter how imaginative they try to be, tomorrow’s headlines will top whatever they come up with today. We politely disagree. There are some headlines that we are 100% certain will never appear in print or online in any “mainstream” publication. Here’s a sampling. Feel free to use the comment section below to suggest others we missed. We’ll post the ones we agree will never see the light of day.
“Scientists Blame Climate Crisis For Unusually Mild Weather“
“Washington Post Wins Pulitzer for Exposing Biden Corruption“
“Transgender Woman Charged With Hate Crime in Men’s Room Mass Shooting“
“Sloth and Gluttony Added to Months Celebrating Cardinal Sins“
“D.C. Memorial to 45th and 47th President Set to Open Next Week“
“Berkeley Suspends Students for Disrupting Conservative Speaker“
“Teachers Union Announces It Will No Longer Donate to Political Candidates“
“MSNBC Documentary About EVs — ‘Rape of the Planet’ — To Air Next Week“
“Democrats Realize They’ve Been Using The Word ‘Fascist’ Wrong For Decades“
“Latest Star Wars Trilogy Voted Better Than Original“
“New York’s High Taxes, Crime Cause Massive Influx of Citizens“
“After Lifetime of Public Service, Senator Retires With Modest Wealth“
“Big Tech Firms Denounce Censorship, Vow Never to Work With Gov’t Again“
“Bullet Train from L.A. to San Francisco Opens“
“Eight Cabinet Agencies Shuttered After Audit Finds Them Useless“
“Why Is The Mainstream Media So Fixated on Democratic Scandals?“
“5 Years Later: ‘Net Neutrality’ Zealots Admit They Were Entirely Wrong About Everything“
“Time Needed to File Federal Income Taxes Dips Below 30 Minutes”
“After Drifting Leftward for Years, Drudge Rediscovers Conservative Roots“
“God Gets Most Number of Thanks At Oscars”
Meanwhile, here are some headlines that we just might see someday.
“L.A. Bans Use of Sidewalks by Pedestrians After Homeless Complain About Traffic“
“In Science Breakthrough, Man-Made Air to Power Wind Turbines“
“NFL Promises Next Super Bowl Will Feature Better Ads“
“San Francisco Converts Downtown to World’s Largest Water Park“
“Electric Grid Fails Stranding Millions of Drivers“
“Math-Fluid Group Demands ‘≃’ Get Added to LGB Acronym “
If you have others to suggest in either category, feel free to submit them using the comments section below. We’ll post the ones we like.
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