We Have Ways to Make You Walk
The latest manifestation of Germans’ weakness for excessive and irrational enthusiasms, the mania for green energy is inspiring official suggestions that seniors shun cars and younger sorts have sex with the lights off
Once admired for their logic and technical rigour, Germans are succumbing to green craziness by the day. Germany’s Environment and Nature Conservation Minister Barbara Hendricks, a Soscial Democrat, now wants Germans to stop having sex with the lights on, thus reducing CO2 emissions. And in Hanover, an official report last month foreshadows a crackdown on grannies and grandpas driving cars instead of getting on public transport or giving their Zimmer frames a workout.
Minister Hendricks has spent 1.5 million Euros producing a series of 30-second videos on how to help the climate. One of them shows a teenage girl coming home late at night, and discovering her parents in flagrante in the lit-up lounge room.
“Hi!” says daughter, who is wearing a red beanie and leather coat.
“Hi!” says Dad, standing, in a striped woolen top. Mum, leaning over the couch, wears a yellowish dress.
Daughter flips the switch to dark and the voice-over, in German, goes: “The world says ‘Thanks!’ Five percent less energy consumption in German households makes one coal power plant redundant. Together it’s climate protection.”
Actually Hendricks ought to go further and propose cessation of human sex per se. Normal breathing involves exhalations of 40,000 parts per million of CO2 (compared with only 400ppm in the atmosphere) and I understand that sex involves accelerated breathing.
Apropos of nothing, Minister Hendricks is openly lesbian, but her public guidance to German sex aficionados is so far confined to heterosexual encounters not involving the missionary position. Also, apropos of nothing, the German Greens Party, which of course adores Hendricks’ ads, apologized last month for its extensive links with a paedophile organization in the 1980s and for the Greens’ campaigns at the time to legalise sex acts with children “that occur without the use or threat of force.” The Greens did not drop their pro-paedophile stance until 1990.